Here we go, there are not many such important (read: self-importance) topics in the world than the constant conversating (read: aggressive attempt of converting, using often the crucial tools of blame, talking guilt into participants of the other side, attempts of public shaming online and/or at public places such as restaurants, pubs: the “murderer” or “carnivore”-abuse) about “health, environmental and moral” benefits of veganism (not vegetarians, that’s not good enough, then you just fake you “care” and you are weak and don’t belong to this enlightening sect of highest orde species).
If you want to achieve the highest ranks among this incredibly enlightened, spiritually, morally superior specimens of human beings, then you NEED to follow the path of the Vegan-padavan, the 3ness of Awesome:
- One morning stand up and tell yourself: “I enter the orde of greenness, spirituality and higher morality of the Plants and won’t contribute in killing of those poor chickens and other food animals and from now on I don’t feed my body with all the scientifically and by nature proven important nutritions! I AM BETTER than THEM! All my struggles eventually will pay off in keeping the cows and chickens and letting them dying by old age peacefully” (- because that’s the reason why humans breed food animals on the first place)
- After weeks of suffering patiently and ignoring natural craving, becoming increasingly pale and distressed looking, with head held high and nutritions, or nutrients if we like (iron, zinc, selenium) and crucial vitamins (B12,B3, B6, D), very low, make sure you make online communities with many catchy sounding vegan topics related sections to (ab)use the new age’s modern tools to help building the sect worldwide, and being able to support (kissing a**es) each other’s efforts (bullying in comment sections wherever can) in the stride against carnivores (the rest of us, in reality omnivores, but hey, ignorance is bliss and makes things less challenging when brain functions decrease in dire need of certain elements, chemical compounds)
- Every time you engage in conversations, no matter what about; food-related topics, politics, music, kids or other; make sure you finally have the opportunity to highlight at a certain point, seemingly dropping it innocently, your newly chosen path, its evergreen name, : “Btw, I’m VEGAN, you know”, telling it with a voice and facial expression you blink out from the masses with a clear aura so strong, some even might think of a halo, that it can be clear you now only to a certain limited extent take part in your best friend’s life as you entered the temple of Life, the true meaning of denying lunch time with besties, in orde to save the beasties. And stating above fact, being vegan now, gives you good ground in trying to convert and enlighten (aggressively pushing your newly found limited edition agenda and boosted ego onto) your closest circles, supported by (pseudo)scientific “facts” (dogmas spread by your highest ranked vegan priests and yogis) and unshakeable moral compass (well, much more important to focus on protecting FOOD-animals, than “mean, lean kill machine” cheetahs, tigers, crocs, gorillas, basically all majestic and slowly extinct creatures).
Extra: to become a level 10 Vegan… don’t eat anything casts a shadow, and ignore the fact that large scale and growing needs of plants based agriculture is partially responsible (among other non-food related things) of quickly disappearing wild green on certain parts of the planet, producing tofu for example is a major player in the game. Let alone the well-known methane gas production problem of remaining food-animals…
Ok, class dismissed, back to my chicken wings and truly balanced OMNIvore diet…and damn good alpine milk chocolate and banana split ice cream (no, no tofu-sadness)