Well, admitting, we skipped some Sundays with the jokes, so here is a little something to make up for. A selection of gems.
- A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”
The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know that woman!”
- Last night I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.
At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.
- Would you mind if I took a picture of you naked?
Sure, why not – if it isn’t too cold for you here.
- Little Johnny once bought his Grandma a very nice, luxurious toilet brush for her birthday. But when he went to visit her a couple of weeks later, it wasn’t in the bathroom.Little Johnny asked his Grandma, “Gran, what happened to the toilet brush I gave you?”
“Darling, I’m sorry but I just didn’t like it. It was too scratchy. After all those years, I’ve gotten used to the toilet paper.”sorry but I just didn’t like it. It was too scratchy. After all those years, I’ve gotten used to the toilet paper.”
- A man to a psychiatrist: “How do you select who should be admitted to your facility?”The psychiatrist replies: “We fill a bathtub with water and give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty the bathtub.”
The man smiles: “Ah, I understand, if you are sane you would take the bucket.”
The Psychiatrist replies: “No, a sane guy pulls the plug. Do you want a room with or without a balcony?”
- A man in a butcher shop: “I would like bull testicles please”
Butcher: “Me too”
- Me: “Do you think it’s strange to talk to yourself?”Me: “No.”