Have you ever had the feeling while watching a movie, series, it is so, so bad, it’s actually almost good?! See, I have (thank you darling, I love you too), and I will think a way to thank to my dearest for the “great” movie day. She surprised me with the 1966 Adam West Batman. The movie, not the series.
I cannot imagine that, even in ’66, anyone meant this painful, over narrated, metrocolour boy-wonder crap seriously. My suspicion is <insert Adam West’s thinking face> that this has been an intentional (and very, very cruel) joke on the public, and Hollywood laughed the ass off!
On the other hand, the TV series was even worse, and I don’t believe that a joke is allowed to be seasons long and spend so much money and time on. Ergo, Hollywood was really early with making utter waste of time, 90’s Batman movies and more recent Dawn of Justice aren’t the only examples of not being able to make a DC hit. But there can be only One…which hits all the spectrums of pain in your brain, little under two hours long:
- Starting credits, that amazing acknowledgement and the introduction of characters. Cutting edge, there!
- Narration, explanation of everything through the whole movie, just to make sure, the movie is 100% obvious for the audience. EVERY single detail. I guarantee, nothing has been forgotten. Even in the hottest situations there is plenty of time to discuss all the things. This is no more simple Batman…it is Captain Obvious.
- Label all things baby! While Adam West plays a millionaire Bruce Wayne (sorry, Bruce, no billions yet. It’s ’66 man!) who happened to be the genius of all existing and pseudo sciences (that is when Bat costume gets combined with white coat and extra pair gloves. Bloody seriously!), still, every single tool must be labelled. Every button and ladder (really, the…..wait for it…..BAT-LADDER!).
- But this is nothing. The real gem is in the heros’ scripts, villains’ plays. Most popular probably Robin’s (or Boy Wonder) Holy-everything, throughout the wholey movie. Holy shark, holy heartbreak, he has one for every scene. Serious fact, for almost every single scene! That IS a boy, you WILL wonder. And of course he is a master of agreeing to Bruce’s genius. And how could villains look and play mean enough if they wouldn’t laugh all the time?! And boy, they do! Far more than I would have wished for. And of course they had to make their villain-characters’ appropriate sounds (cat, bird, laughs), after all, the public must be noted all the time who is who. No chance for confusion, nor for any mystery!
- Special effects, costumes, make-up, and RUBBER SHARK (this last one, you even hear the rubbery sound! It is really that bad…or great). These can’t be explained. Just look:
Would I advice anyone this movie?! Well, YES! If you’re the kind of person with a bit of patience, understanding, high tolerance of stupid and pain, and sometimes you are as a “perv” as we are to watch so-bad-it’s-almost-great things to kill some time and laugh. Go ahead, be entertained! And like my wife, make sure you don’t watch alone! Share the suffering, make it even public! 🙂
But the Force is strong in me. I sat this through, I didn’t give up. I’m the real hero! The pain is temporal, but the memories…
…WILL HAUNT ME FOREVER!