The Bad and the Beast

I’m here again. I have to make that clear! I have to celebrate it even!

Why so, you would ask?!

Because this week I’ve made a terrible choice in my life, which certainly will haunt me for the coming years, two to five, let’s say so. I had to state as first sentence that I’m here again, as soon after the movie started and realized the future consequences of this theater adventure for my life, I wasn’t even sure I will survive. Mentally, to be precise.

We watched the new Beauty & the Beast! Saddest 132 minutes of my life probably. And I cannot have the pleasure to blame it on my wife, I have chosen this…movie(?). I have never made such a mistake with films, at all. I couldn’t suspect such failure, it was a star galore:

  • Emma Watson – Beauty (well, a child version of, if you look at her, although, pretty for sure as always)
  • Kevin Kline – playing above’s father
  • Luke Evans – as Gaston
  • Josh Gad – as LeFou (The Fool, I would rather call. He, by the way, played also Steve Wozniak once in Jobs, as partner of Ashton Kutcher)
  • Ewan McGregor – Lumiere
  • Ian McKellen – Cogsworth (Ian more known from the X-Men as Magneto, or, Lord of The Rings’ And The Hobbit’s Gandalf.

But short after Disney’s usual opening graphics, the torture has started!

I do not like musical, being at cinema or traditional theater, I don’t like. And soon enough I figured, it is, for the biggest part. But even that wouldn’t have been a cause of mental meltdown, IF, everything else would have been great: story development, playing, lyrics, tunes, humor…

None of those were cinema worthy. A boring, awfully boring movie, dramatically poor playing (Emma, I’m disappointed. We break up!), terrible lyrics of ALL the songs they sang. When I listened to the lyrics of the songs, I couldn’t help it to have the feeling of those being forced creations, no improvement on the old cartoon’s musical parts thus. No poetry/no theater in, just sentences put together to tell facts to each other, with the complete absence of imagination. Dry and shallow, infantile. And Emma Watson’s singing makes things just worse.

It had SOME short moments of humor, mainly from the Beast coming in mid-movie, let’s say, two or three times, so at least a bit relief in an awfully long lasting (seemed so), agonizingly painful production.

The “big” fighting scene at the near end, in and around the Beast’s castle, was ridiculous. Not for a moment could one take it even slightly seriously. Not one bit. Poorly thought out and executed choreography, combination of a sort action and humor in this part made it, again, infantile looking. No better word for, seriously.

There have been great visual elements combined with 3D, there was something for the eyes, but after a while, little while, even those brilliant graphical moments cannot help you back to your previous, more healthy state of mind. Alone those are not enough. But like with every screamingly bad movie experience, there is always the ONE!

The ONE relief you always can count on:

 

THE END, and end credits! 😀

 

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